Thursday, March 16, 2017

Alone

I'm not afraid to stand alone.
If Allah is by my side.

Dulu saya sangkakan saya orang yang sangat berdikari. Well, boleh drive sendiri ke mana sahaja, hidup sendiri sekian lama, dan sebagainya. The fact is, I have always been emotionally dependent. Dan Allah sering ada, membimbing saya untuk menjadi lebih baik, dan kurangkan pergantungan saya pada manusia. Mencabut tongkat saya, satu persatu. Well that was what it felt like.

I was clingy to my sister, then Allah inflicted her with tribulations, and she was occupied. I then depended on my mother, but she too was distraught and busy with what happened in the family. What happened in our life back then, was too private for me to share to anyone. So I had to stand alone.

Now being married, I tend to rely on my husband's support, which is abundant. But even then, with all of his responsibilites, he is rarely home after work. Setiap malam keluar.

In the office, I felt so alone too. Everyone else had a team. While I was on my own, reporting to an ever busy boss. Unlike my other colleagues, I was rarely called to receive instructions, I had to brainstorm on my own, figure out things I needed to do. Which is tough for me, as I have always depended on ideas from others. When I call out for meetings, people normally give excuses, rarely attend. Leadership issues on my side, probably.

Then this morning I heard the I'm not afraid to stand alone song by Native Deen on the radio.

I shouldn't be afraid to stand alone. If Allah is by my side, as everything will be alright! It is ofcourse not easy to change, but temembering these mantras on tough days, inshaAllah Allah makes it easier. Aameen.

I am not afraid to stand alone. If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone. Everything will be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone. Gonna keep my head up high

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